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Scared reindeer and penguins on strike

By Thomas Sutherland

The Return of Santa Claus’s Employment Woes

Christmas is here!  And, I don’t know about you, but it seems like it’s been around for ages this year…  Whilst I’m far from ‘Claustrophobic’, even I thought that Christmas adverts starting on the 1st November were a bit extreme!

Anyway, we’re now nearing the final hurdle of Christmas shopping  – that dreaded phase of busy crowds and going into town without knowing what exactly you’re looking for!  Still, it’s a time where the coldest part of the year is filled with the biggest cheer and where, for a second year, I’m given the perfect excuse for a Christmas-themed blog!

Indeed, I’m guilty of already having had an early Christmas Day during a trip to the Christmas markets in Latvia.  Much mulled wine, gingerbread and Christmas songs were in attendance, albeit I cheated and bought the presents myself rather than enlisting the help of Santa Claus!  Speaking of Mr Claus, last year saw me review his employment law issues at the North Pole.  Fortunately for Santa, he managed to draft in some last-minute assistance to ensure that the issues didn’t snowball (sorry!) and Christmas 2014 was saved!

Unfortunately, another year brings different problems for the big red one and he’s been on the phone to our Employment Department to request some help yet again!  So here we go again, it’s time to roll up our sleeves and save Christmas!

Item one on the agenda is Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer.  Whilst his nose is quite operational, Rudolph has developed a fear of heights and can no longer help fly Santa’s sleigh.  While Santa’s idea to fit foglights to his sleigh has legs (making me wonder why he hasn’t done that before?), his proposal to compulsorily retire Rudolph is not.  This is because Rudolph could be put to use in another role under Santa’s employment, such as transporting sleighs full of materials between the different workshops, and should not be discriminated against for having developed a disability.

Unfortunately, without Rudolph, Santa’s sleigh would lack sufficient reindeer power.  Santa therefore needs to recruit an additional member of the crew ASAP and has a choice between two back-up reindeer: Venus and Mars.  Despite Venus being much more experienced and a keener flier, Santa is leaning towards Mars due to his mistaken perception that Mars’ younger age will give him increased stamina for the long Christmas night.  However, Santa risks discriminating against Venus on the ground of her age if he picks Mars solely because of his age and should instead decide purely on the basis of flying ability.

Santa faces another dilemma in the workshop as Papa Elf has requested holiday leave between 22nd December and New Year, during the busiest period of the year.  When questioned on this, Papa Elf has explained that the cold weather at the North Pole is bad for his ears and that he has already booked a trip to Majorca to get some much needed sun.  Santa has refused this leave, causing to Papa Elf to raise a grievance and maliciously tweet pictures of Santa’s workshop and his secret new toys on Twitter.  Santa therefore needs some advice on enforcing his Disciplinary Procedure and his Social Media Policy!

Meantime, elsewhere in the workshop, Buddy the human Elf has raised a complaint under Elf and Safety legislation about the equipment being too small for him to safely use.  This has impacted on his ability to make Etch-A-Sketches and various other stocking fillers, meaning Santa’s sleigh may be slightly short this year.  Santa therefore needs to quickly look into obtaining specialist equipment for Buddy to ensure that he is providing him with a safe working environment.

Unfortunately, productivity in general in Santa’s main workshop is down due to the after-effects of a recent Christmas party.

 Santa appears to have made the mistake of allowing the Christmas party to be organised on a Wednesday night and of failing to limit the amount of milk, egg nog and gingerbread on offer.

Finally, the penguins of the North Pole are currently on strike following Santa’s refusal to allow them to wear their Christmas Jumpers whilst product testing products to destruction.  Whilst Santa has an implied uniform policy, the penguins have been quick to point out that they don’t usually wear clothing (apart from tuxedos!) and that the weather is especially cold in the North Pole this winter.  It would appear to be reasonable for Santa to agree to the penguins’ request, particularly as some of the presents, including the hand-made sledges, are tested outside in the snow.

Fortunately, our Employment Team was able to give Santa some much-needed advice this morning and we remain hopeful that everyone reading this will receive their presents under the tree on Christmas Day morning!  Just remember that Santa may well be needing an extra cookie next to his glass of milk this year…

From everyone here at Morecrofts, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!